Fistulotomy

[livingwith]

My boyfriend is one of the greatest guys around. Handsome, smart, and makes me laugh (trite, but true!). Several months ago this fistula moved in on our relationship. At first it was manageable, but it has really affected our relationship. For example, our ability to be intimate, we can’t go out anymore because he’s in pain, and while I know it’s extremely difficult on him, it’s also been really hard on me. It’s hard not to be able to kiss passionately because it ca...Read the full article

[kim123]

Hi, I am on the other end of it, I am the one with the fistula and I understand how hard it is for you because I see my boyfriend go through the same thing.

We were only together three months when the fistula became part of our relationship. I spent the next month in hospital because I was so septic and my lung collapsed in surgery. Huge strain for a new relationship.

I am not too sure what kind of surgery your boyfriend has had, but it is so painful. It is so hard to have a normal relationship when this is happening. We couldn't have sex for a long time, and I used to joke with him that it would be easier if he had it (because you know how close things are for girls) but apparently its not the case.

I am sure your boyfriend is feeling what I felt, depressed and embarrassed because he can't do all the things that he loves to do and to express the way he feels with you. I have tears as I write this. I think that you are being so supportive shown by sharing your story here. My boyfriend was amazing, our relationship became stronger from it. It changed from a quite a sexual relationship (you know how it is in the beginning) to such a strong, emotional relationship. As your boyfriend heals things will improve. We couldn't have intercourse because it was too painful for me, but we did other things.

My confidence has taken a huge battering, I used to be quite social, outgoing, life of the party kind of girl (I am only 29) living in the UK (I am from Australia) and then I was house bound, not working (not getting paid), having to rely on other people to help me...its hard. It has been nearly a year since I have had the fistula and its not quite healed yet...its at the end stages (I have a complicated one). We are still together...going strong and I have been back in Australia for 6 weeks now and my boyfriend gets here in 6 weeks.

The only thing I can say is be strong and hang in there. Unfortunately these things sometimes take time to heal. His confidence is going to be at an all time low and it will put a strain on the relationship. As things heal, he will be more comfortable. I still to go out for dinner, choose places that have big couches or big soft chairs and not sit directly on my bum, sit to the side and rotate from one bum cheek to the other - I find this most comfortable. I couldn't bring a donut cushion out with me - but maybe thats what your boyfriend can do. I only had surgery this Monday and I went to the cinemas last night with the girls :-) He needs to make sure he is taking lots of pain relief regularly, stool softeners and sitz baths 2-3 times a day because they help.

Go for walks with him - its the worst when you feel house bound. Guys don't express their feelings as well as girls do - I imagine it is hard for him to tell you how he feels. I hope this helps....hang in there!!!